Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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