i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
