it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
