Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
