I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
two words: eviction party
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I want is dick and wine.
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