even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
