So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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