He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
