We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
