Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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