hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
