I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
