he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
