she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
