cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
