I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
