So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
