My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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