Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
