Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
