May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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