woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
