just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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