If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
