Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
