I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
