a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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