she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
