Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just want to make out with him forever
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
