She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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