Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
