im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
