her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
