I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
