If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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