you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
