I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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