Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
