Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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