***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
