I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want her autograph on my taint
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
