His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
