Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
