I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me I should be a condom model.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
