Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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