Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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