the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
