Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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