In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
