Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
