so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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