This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
