his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
