Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
