We tried having a conversation with our noses.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
