I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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